Doktor Tomato.

I’m very grateful to God for giving me such wonderful friends and Jon.

I feel very blessed.

Finished econs paper.

Realized that I didn’t give a counterpoint for my case study and my question 2 for my essay was just bad. I feel so, so depressed now and I nearly cried after the exam. Urgh.

Wake up call to study much much harder for my prelims. I don’t know HOW I forgot to write “both sides” of the argument while discussing my mini essay at the case study. Perhaps just blanked out. And besides I didn’t know any positive thing to write… plus my explainations were horribly short, because I pretty much knew how it worked.

Urgh. BOP is just not my cup of tea. Economic growth is fine, but not not not BOP.

Still horribly sad and depressed. Luckily I don’t take chemistry.

I hope I get at least a C… sigh, if not I’d be super depressed even more. *crosses fingers* sigh.

I had a very bad nightmare today — it was so bad that I was trying to wake up from my nightmare… or rather, I dreamt that I was trying to wake up from my nightmare. Eventually I managed to pull myself awake; though it took me some time.

Thank God there was Jon by my bedside when I woke up. It was a huge relief to see him there and holding my hand after such a horrific dream.

Anyway, 130 days to the A Levels. Time is short, but I’ll make it useful.

Now I understand the lecturer’s words: why writing the H3 paper is harder than researching.

:@

I’m disappointed.

Thinkquest 09 results are out and it’s quite obvious why my team wasn’t in the winning list — because, well, we got disqualified over server-side script issues: when we did not even use such scripts.

I was happy with my team; sure we had disagreemenets, but we were good. I’m very sure we could have won something based on content and design only; forget all those pretty animations and pictures and whatever. Our content was good, we wrote well, but it all went down to waste because of a programming error (or a perceived one by TQ). What’s worse was that they will only open and evaluate the case AFTER the judging.

… yes, I’m wholly disappointed. I’ve seen my friends win, and I think sometimes: why am I not there? Is it not my fate to go to San Francisco under Thinkquest Live?

No, I refuse to believe it. I have one year left — one year of youth left, one more year for competition. This time round I’ll make sure we get in there, by hook or by crook. We’re starting already, which is good sign. Though I can’t commit on a regular basis throughout my A Level period, but at least I’ll get the ball rolling.

This time it’s a must. I refuse to believe that I cannot get it. Winning Thinkquest has been a dream since I was Primary 5, and I must make sure I do win it.

The only thing I want to believe now is that I CAN DO IT. 

Not only that I CAN.

But I WILL.

If you can’t create emotion from your photos, it’s pointless to have technical abilities.

After all, a photo is about creating emotions from that event — not about technicals. 

Sorry but I honestly don’t understand why some people emphasize on the technicals so much and forsake emotion. Thank you Jolyn for teaching me this, that photography is ultimately still about capturing emotions. Sometimes the most memorable photos are those that are emotional.

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And also,

http://graceteng89.drtomato.org. This is my friend, Grace, who seriously honestly needs cash to study at one of the world’s most prestigious film school (she even took a year off just to get her portfolio up to apply for the school) but she can’t cos she doesn’t have the money. Do look at her portfolio, and decide whether you wanna donate or not. The idea is not to have huge donations, but small sums of money to help her. Please please help out! There are also bonds if you donate a certain amoutn of money so do check it out yeah. :)

Okays ads over for now hahahas. Oh if you want photographers can also come look for me ah. wedding or sports also can, price always negotiable. spread the word!

I decided to take some time off from my Juno essay to write this — not because I have a lot of time, but because I found this extremely necessary. For the past few weeks (and the weeks leading up to Week 9), I’ve been spending a lot of time under the hot weary sun and inside stuffy indoor stadiums taking photographs of atheletes in action. They aren’t big players in the international arena, but young heroes of their colleges as they played well, fought hard and tried their best.

Throughout this tough journey, I’ve seen and learnt many things. I’ve made some new friends in the process, found some old ones and bonded more with existing ones. I’ve seen the good, the bad and the dirty in various matches. I’ve experienced what I could never ever have if I were a mere spectator. I’ve learnt to shoot better and improve on my techniques.

Lastly, I’ve learnt what it means to have sportmanship.

(Photo copyright Ng Irene)

I’m glad that the season ended off with something that really touched me and made me feel human. It’s rare to see opponents getting along together during an A Division soccer match, let alone a member of the opponent team taking the initiative to help a fallen member, regardless of team. This scene really moved me and I felt that despite MJC having lost the match, their captain really displayed true sportsmanship in light of the tensed up competition. The competition was deadly, with many having sustained injuries, but I believe that this match was a well-fought match between the two colleges.

Of all the matches that I shot, I think only half of them won the championship title. It’s not that bad already, really. The athletes played well, and regardless of the result, I would like to think that the A Divisions is not simply a match between who is better, but a game that exhibits sportmanship and humanity, extending aid readily when someone is in need. I like to think of sports as a type of dance, or 舞. There is grace and beauty in the game, and though it is not synchronized action, the thoughts of all these players are synchronized: to enjoy the match, and play your hardest.

Thank you so much Jolyn, for having taught me emotion in sports, for it has really made an impact on the way I photograph and the style in which I present my subjects. Thanks to my classmates and teachers too who understood my hectic commitment during this period, and gave me grace. And last but not least, thank you atheletes, for having fought hard and providing us with the opportunity to photograph you, and document your footsteps in this arduous journey to the finals.

It was tiring, but everything was worthwhile in the end. Everything.

I started off writing completely different, but I decided to change whatever I’ve written.

I dream of becoming an underwater photographer in the Great Barrier Reef. I dream of leading a happy, fulfilling life with a great family.

Impossible?

Maybe. I need to look for a job that I will like and love. Sometimes we work so hard in one direction that we forget the true purpose in our lives.

————

Anyway, I plan to develop my photography further. Perhaps I’ll delve into sports and underwater photography, should I get my license. Here’s my post-As plans for some motivation:

1) Japan photography trip

2) Tennis

3) German TestDAF.

I’m looking forward to TestDAF. It’s been a long time since I touched the language, and I dream of studying there one day. One day.

I didn’t go to school today (despite the long weekend break) because I caught a very bad cold last night — it was so bad that I only slept at 1am or 2am even because my nose just couldn’t stop leaking. Yes I’ve already burnt two whole boxes of tissue paper just to jam my nose. Didn’t help that I had stomach issues this morning either. I am totally disgusted with the condition of my body and I think I will go eat some vitamin C tablets or drink more honey. Whatever works.

Anyway I had a terrible sleep last night, because of a NIGHTMARE and my nose. I can’t remember what I exactly dreamt about, but I was struggling throughout my entire sleep and OMG I SAW MS GOH (the SEA one) in my dream!!!!!!!!! I think it was something along the lines of me not doing my history tutorials or what or some other thing. Okay I admit I still owe her two essays but I am writing them now! Still! !!!!!!!!!!!. Wah damn scary man. The next nightmare would probaboly come from Mr Harris because I still owe him my irony essay which I am having a complete brainblock on. At least I don’t owe Ms Lim and the other Ms Goh anything, and I’ve cleared my Drama essay already (so Ms Chia should have no reason to come and haunt me in my dreams unless I did poorly in my drama essay). Omg I think I will faint from heartattack if I wake up and realize that all my teachers have been appearing in my dream and haunting me to submit assignments. O_O.  I still remember breaking out in cold sweat in the morning when my auntie and granddad tried to wake me up but couldn’t. Must have been a really really bad traumatic dream because they tried to wake me up twice before succeeding.

I am quite proud of my productiveness today but I am still feeling very awful. I wonder how GP went and I need to catch up for SEA tutorials. I know the gist of National Unity but I need to sit down and read through everything properly. Same goes for economics. And everything else. ARGH! Okay I have to calm myself down. I finished Drama Night shots (finally!) after learning how to use GIMP and I have to submit my TJC-VJC soccer shots to Ms Goh and Jolene. Otherwise I think I’m clear… for now. These three weeks are going to be hell and I have to brace myself. Term’s going to end but it just means that the A Levels are a coming; not a good sign indeed. Oh I cleared NUSPS’s Montage competition also so yay. What other work do I have? hmmmmmm. A lot more.

Which means I should shut up and do my work. bye.